woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
