Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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