I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
