I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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