My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
