Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
