explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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