Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
