she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
