I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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