He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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