She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
