Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
