I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
