Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
