That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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