just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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