I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
