the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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