I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
