The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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