I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
