What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
