Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
