Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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