When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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