I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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