ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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