"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
