The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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