...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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