i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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