I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
