i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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