M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
