if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
