I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
