Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
