She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
