It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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