I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
