I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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