So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
