They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
