Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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