You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
