it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
