ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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