Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
