I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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