I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
