I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
