so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
