do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
