its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
