He uses pillows to masturbate.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize