do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
