dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
