Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
