He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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