There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
