My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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