So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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