Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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