girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
