You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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