Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
