My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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