I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize