In the future we'll all be gay
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
