I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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