Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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