i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
