Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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