he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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