Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
