Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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