just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
