New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
