You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
