why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
