So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
