Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
