i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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