I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
