He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
