I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize