It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize