I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
