Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
