i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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