my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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