Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
