the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
