Midget sex pt 2 tonight
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
