I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just high enough for therapy.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
