i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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