Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This is my gift to your gina
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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