Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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