ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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