i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
