Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
